It’s been a while….
Finding the time to write, in my personal capacity, has eluded me for some time. I determined this morning that I would take a moment to write, it is a cathartic experience for me. It helps me self-articulate all that has been impacting me over the past months and wow what a couple of months it has been.
The world as we know was changed with the advent of COVID-19, nobody has escaped its clutches and it has wreaked absolute devastation across the globe. The cost to many has been the ultimate price, the cost to the those who escaped this fee has been immeasurable in other ways.
Our business too has been impacted and plans that we had pre-lockdown were placed on hold, we moved to a remote set-up and managed the process as best we could. We are fortunate to have an amazing client base, who remained committed to us, as we did to them, during this time. We experimented with new technology, becoming experts, almost overnight, in webinar and zoom meeting solutions.
Our team worked like trojans, pulling many long hours, coping with an extraordinary flow of work. I am immensely proud of them. We had some business casualties along the way, but mercifully we avoided the business pain that many hundreds of thousands of businesses faced.
We have emerged a little battered, a lot stronger and equipping for growth as we on board additional staff members in the coming weeks.
The cost of the changed world view and environment has taken a toll personally. I have struggled to separate work from personal life and “leaving work” when your office is a mere three or four meters away proved almost impossible. This dent is something that is going to take time to repair, I am needing work on so many things, driving a renewed commitment to bringing the correct balance back.
I don’t mind sharing that there were times during the past six months that it felt like I had a complete breakdown. The pressure to deliver, at times, felt so inordinately high that I went many nights with just a couple of hours sleep. Remote working, while delivering the possibility of results and sustaining the business, certainly is not a practical solution, for me anyway.
My inherent “fear of man” personal battles surfaced regularly and the overwhelming desire to run away overwhelmed me. I found my faith lacking at several junctions, causing me to focus on problems with the wrong lenses. I doubted my gifting and abilities and most importantly I doubted my foothold of grace.
I have learned so many things during this time. The power of a team, that is committed to you and the business is invaluable. I have learnt that not all business relationships are mutually beneficial. I have learnt just how difficult it is to stay connected, in a “connected world”. I have experienced vulnerability and self-doubt at levels I didn’t think possible and through this learned that I need a revised set of “rules of engagement”.
I hope to use the learnings to reset the processes in my life that have taken me away and into some dark places. I look forward with a mindset that seeks to honor the real heroes in my life and to hold to the things that make an eternal difference.
I am thankful for so many things at this time, for my family who have shown the most grace towards me. I am grateful for oasis moments with my Lord, which have helped me to reenergize and focus. I am grateful for the friends that have stood with, that have made themselves available, in their busy periods, to talk and walk the road with me.
I know that many people are journeying a similar path, albeit with their own new unique giants along the way. I hope that you find the resolve to take on the giants and overcome them.
I will journey on.