Not sure if there is a Latin saying for a mixed bag year, so I just made the title up. 2019 has been a real mixed bag for me: some success, some happiness, some failures and some sadness, but that I guess is life.
Highlights and Happiness
Our business, Brandesign, has grown well. We welcomed new team members, watched some of them move onto explore new and exciting things, we added services and much more. I set a personal goal of running 700km throughout the year and this morning I reached that goal.
I have watched my wife grow into a new season in her life, watched her confidence explode and her abilities become even greater. I watched my son tackle his first year of high school, taking the opportunities that presented. Achieving great results in and out of the classroom. He is growing in stature and physically will most likely be taller than me by the start of 2020, what I am most excited about is that he is going to be a man of incredible integrity, he will surpass me in this area as well.
I watched my daughter excel at school, tackling a heavy academic load while involving herself in so many service areas. She has remained resolute in everything she has tackled; I loved the school Instagram post that talked about her high fiving her classmates!
I didn’t reach all of what I set out to do, I have lost my cool way too often this year. I have disappointed and hurt some of those close to me. They have been amazingly gracious to me, loving me regardless of my actions. In one sense, this part of my life feels like a failure, but it most likely is the biggest thing that I will need to focus on in 2020. I am resolute in this.
One of the biggest struggles for me has been the loss of my mom. I didn’t ever imagine that this would be the case. I miss her Whatsapp messages about the fuel price, the cricket and soccer scores. I miss the quirky smile, the 14 messages reminding me that I need to pick her up. The call 2 minutes before I was due to arrive checking that I am on the way. The wait for her as she made her way to the car. I am going to miss her on Christmas day, the “Give me your arm my boy, I don’t want to trip on the bloody step”
I cried this morning, for these memories, sad that she is not going to be here. It’s a weird feeling. I cried because this year I took a chance that she had always said I should, she is going to miss seeing this physically happen, although I know she will be smiling down on me.
Maroon 5’s hit “Memories” has become a bit of a song for me this year. So, I borrow from them here:
“Here’s to the ones that we got, Cheers to the wish you were here, but you’re not”
“Toast to the ones here today, Toast to the ones that we lost on the way”
In pondering these lines, I realise just how blessed I am to have my family and others around me. They keep me focused, they keep me sane. I am blessed to have had others around me who have shaped me, that have impacted my life positively. While they are no longer here, they have left an indelible mark.
I look forward to the next year. I look forward to whatever it holds, to the new season and the new opportunities. I am not looking forward to it because 2019 may have been a mixed bag. I am looking forward to it because it is a new year.